Today I would like to write about a question that has accompanied us since the beginning and that probably concerns you too if you use online dating: Why does it often seem as if large dating platforms have no real interest in you actually finding someone? Why does so much feel more like a game than a serious search for a partner?
A Promise and a Contradiction
Most dating apps advertise with a similar promise: Find your great love and delete the app.
In reality, the situation is often different. Many people spend months or years on various apps, installing them, deleting them, and returning later. They try out different platforms, pay for premium features, and still feel stuck in a kind of endless loop.
The contradiction behind this is quite clear:
- You want to find someone who suits you and then ideally no longer need the app.
- The platform earns its money by as many people as possible remaining active for as long as possible, constantly returning, and, ideally, continuously purchasing subscriptions and additional features.
This very contradiction is now being described not only by journalists, but also by legal experts and researchers. A
How large dating platforms really make money
At first glance, much seems free: download app, create profile, upload photos. However, ‘free’ is merely the entrance.
Almost all large platforms operate with a similar model:
- A free basic version with limited functionalities.
- Several tiers of premium subscriptions with different names and prices.
- Additional one-time payments for ‘Boosts,’ ‘Super Likes,’ ‘Spotlight,’ and similar extras.
Furthermore, there is a second, less visible part of the business model: data.
The platforms collect very detailed information about their users, such as age, gender, location, interests, swipe behavior, online times, purchasing behavior. This data is valuable: It helps to target advertising, develop products, and test new payment features. This is precisely what media scholar Hannah Pfeiffer points out in her article ‘Why Tinder doesn’t want you to find your great love’: Dating apps are part of a platform-capitalist system in which users are both customers and raw material.
The largest player in this market, the Match Group (including Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid), generated several billion US dollars worldwide in 2023, primarily through in-app purchases.
And authorities are now also looking more closely: The US consumer protection agency FTC has obliged Match Group to pay 14 million dollars in 2025 and accused the company of misleading advertising and complicated cancellation processes. In short: The system is designed for you to stay long, not for you to happily delete the app after three weeks.
Gamification in Everyday Life
To ensure you stay long, many large apps rely on gamification, meaning that usage feels like a game.
Swiping is the best example of this. Every swipe is a small decision: left – no, right – maybe. Behind this is a reward system that we also know from gambling research: The reward (a match, a message) does not come regularly, but randomly. This is precisely what makes it so appealing – and sometimes so difficult to interrupt.
The principle is always similar:
- You make a quick decision (swipe, like, click).
- You hope for a reward (match, message, profile visit).
- Sometimes something comes immediately, sometimes nothing at all, sometimes only later.
- Your brain learns: ‘Maybe next time.’
Several recent analyses compare this pattern to a virtual slot machine: One repeatedly inserts a ‘token’ (time, attention, money) in the hope that ‘the right one’ will be there in the next round.
Gamification itself is not bad. It can lower inhibitions, be fun, and facilitate entry. It becomes problematic when the game logic becomes more important than what you are actually looking for: namely genuine encounters, commitment, and a partner who fits your life.
Algorithms, Hidden Scores, and Artificial Scarcity
Behind the surface, something else is happening that you don’t see: algorithms.
Studies and journalistic research show that many dating apps sort users by activity and ‘popularity’ – for example, by how often they are liked, how frequently they swipe, or how quickly they respond to messages.
Those who are very active and receive many reactions are shown more frequently. Those who are online less often or receive fewer responses tend to fade into the background. Occasionally, highly sought-after profiles are displayed to keep hope alive – even if the chance of a real match is not that high.
In addition, there are deliberately imposed bottlenecks:
- A limited number of likes per day.
- Only a small portion of the people who have liked you are visible – the rest only with Premium.
- Additional visibility or ‘top placements’ are only available for an extra charge.
A detailed investigation by ‘The Guardian’ describes precisely this interplay: gamified features, artificial scarcity, and increasingly expensive additional features, all with the aim of keeping users in the system and encouraging them to pay.
Again, it’s not about no one finding a relationship. But the system is built to reward continuous activity and recurring payments – not necessarily the moment you say: ‘I found someone, I’m out.’
Online Dating is Not the Problem
Despite all criticism, it is important for me to state one thing clearly: The problem is not online dating itself.
The Bamberg sociologist Thorsten Peetz points this out precisely in an interview on Tinder’s tenth anniversary: Tinder is not a ‘meat counter’ where you simply pick someone out, but rather a kind of game in which people negotiate their intimacy and attractiveness. Many users design their profiles very consciously, tell small stories with photos and texts, and clearly state what they want and what they do not.
This means: Online platforms can indeed be a space where people meet who would never have met in everyday life. They can help take steps again after a separation, to open up again after a loss, or simply to find someone who shares the same sense of humor.
The point is not: ‘Delete all apps immediately.’
The point is: Understand the rules of the game – and then consciously decide how you participate.
How we at DuoLivo consciously take a different path
DuoLivo was born precisely from these considerations.
We did not want to build another app that maximizes your attention at all costs. We wanted to create a place where people aged 50+ in Switzerland can meet each other with respect, clarity, and without games.
This has a few very concrete consequences:
Less Casino, More Café Conversation
DuoLivo deliberately does not rely on endless swiping. You see profiles in a calm, clear presentation, you can take your time to read texts and let photos make an impression. It’s not about ‘swiping away’ as many people as possible in a short time, but about feeling: Who suits me?
Reaching Your Goal is Explicitly Encouraged
We do not earn our money by you remaining ‘stuck’ in the system for as long as possible. Our goal is for you to find someone who suits you – and then perhaps do exactly what large platforms economically fear: cancel your subscription, delete the app, and tell others that you found someone there.
Clear, Fair Structures
We value transparency in pricing, features, and data protection. No subscription jungle with ten variants, no hidden attractiveness scores, no intentionally complicated cancellation processes. DuoLivo is based in Switzerland – and that’s exactly how the experience should feel: approachable, comprehensible, people-oriented.
Two Hearts Instead of an Endless Loop
Perhaps while reading, you thought of your own experiences: of evenings when you swiped through profiles and then felt empty; of matches that led to nothing; of the moment you thought: ‘Something isn’t right here.’
If so, you are not alone.
And you are right: Something is not right – at least if one assumes that the actual goal would be for people to find each other and arrive.
Large dating platforms will continue to compete for your attention with new features, subscriptions, and game mechanics in the future. This will not change anytime soon. But you have a choice: You can decide where you invest your time, your data, and your heart.
DuoLivo is our attempt to offer an alternative: a calmer, more transparent place for people 50+ in Switzerland. A place where the endless loop is not the focus, but rather the possibility for two hearts to find each other and embark on a new path together.
If you would like to experience online dating without a casino feeling:
– Open DuoLivo in your browser
– Download the app from the Apple App Store / Google Play
Alternatively, you are welcome to find more information on our website.
